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Bernanke Clarifies His Position. "I was not in denial, I was LYING."

Washington, DC (BFBE):  Chairman of the Federal Reserve Board, Ben Bernanke, spoke briefly with BFBE this morning by phone to clarify his positions on the economy before the Financial Crisis hit in August, 2008.

According to Bernanke, "I was not in denial about the state of the economy, I was lying.  Why are you acting shocked?   Any idiot could have seen that and now people are trying to blame me.  It's not my responsibility to give the public accurate information on the state of the economy and their fiancial activities.  Pick up a book!  Do it yourself!  Take some responsibility!

"All I can tell you is almost all of my friends have come through this time of uncertainly pretty darn well, thank you very much.  Did they listen to me?  No way!  They saw the economy was going to hell in a hand basket and prepared for it.  Now, with the help of your tax dollars, they're making a tidy profit scooping up the assets of all you mouth breathers out there.  I don't hear them complaining about me lying."

When asked if Mr. Bernanke's history of misleading statements in regards to the economy should make consumers wary of his current predictions of the financial crisis ending later this year, he replied, "Oh, of course not!  Everything is good, good, good.  Never better.  In fact, this is the time to spend.  Get out there.  Stimulate the economy.  Run up those credit cards.  Just remember, the fundamentals of the economy remain sound.  So, I cannot think of a better time to overextend yourself."

Breaking!!!! You Can't Make This Stuff Up Dept.

Developing... Sources close to the President informed BFBE they are assuring supporters that this rumor is groundless, and even if it is not, President Obama would have been the pitcher, and not the catcher.

The Globe.

Malawian Judge Affirms Rights of Rich To Do Anything.

Lilongwe, Malawi (BFBE). International pop music legend, Madonna's bid to adopt an orphan child from the desperately poor African nation of Malawi was approved this week by Malawi's Supreme Court of Appeal.

Madonna's adoption bid was stymied in March by a lower court's ruling that barred the adoption based on it violated the Malawian law requiring 18 months residency in the nation before adopting children. According to one of the three judges making the decision, the law barring the adoption was out of date.

D'Aood Mitambe, a high ranking legal adviser to the Appeals Court, told BFBE, "Despite the fact Malawi is a very poor nation, it has a sophisticated legal system based on English Common Law just like those in the United Kingdom, the U.S, Australia, and Canada. And, just as in those powerful nations, we, too, have a separate standard of justice for the wealthy over the common people. Unfortunately, it has been so long since anyone wealthy has lived in Malawi who was not a politician, in charge of the military, or a heavily armed militant faction, ergo, above the Courts, the lower Court simply forgot about this time honored double standard."

Mitambe stated that despite this legal precedent, the Court still took a thorough look at Madonna's case, "Since she already basically stole a Malawian boy a few years ago even after it was discovered he was not actually an orphan, and the fact that she did not eat the kid or anything, the Court just figured 'what the hell, she's rich.'"

Supporters bristled at accusations of Madonna's wealth and notoriety influencing the Court's decision. Marty Shlopp, owner of "VogueDonna," a popular Madonna fan blog, said, "Anyone who knows Madonna knows she has nothing but the purest motives in adopting a child from this impoverished nation. She is simply living out her religious faith, and we should all support her in this."

When asked how Madonna's faith played a role in these proceedings, Shlopp added, "Madonna is a dedicated Kabbalist, and there is no doubt that she is not aware of the story of Lilith. Madonna's actions speak louder than her words, and, she is quite evidently, simply trying to model her life on the example of Lilith. I can think of nothing more noble and applaud."

BFBE Note: Lilith is the fabled first wife of Adam, who according to legend, was cursed by God and sentenced to walk the Earth forever as an aged crone. In ancient times, Lilith was feared as a night spirit who would sneak into homes stealing children and young men's semen.


Full Story.

BFBE Remembers 20 Years of Eroding Civil Rights.

BFBE:

Tienanmen Square (1989)

Is this when our greed for Chinese investment overshadowed our dedication to freedom and civil rights, or just when our government stopped caring about them?


Ruby Ridge (1992)



Waco, Texas (1993)



Seattle (1999)

Elian Gonzalez (2000)


New Orleans (2005)


St. Louis (2007)


Republican National Convention (2008)




Democratic National Convention (2008)


I guess our government forgot...

Republicans Blame "Reckless Living" for 60% of Bankruptcies.

Washington, DC (BFBE):  Congressional Republicans pointed to a Harvard study on 2007 bankruptcy statistics as an example of how "reckless living" caused 60% of all bankruptcies.

According to the study:

Bankruptcies due to medical bills increased by nearly 50 percent in
a six-year period, from 46 percent in 2001 to 62 percent in 2007, and
most of those who filed for bankruptcy were middle-class, well-educated
homeowners, according to a report that will be published in the August
issue of The American Journal of Medicine.

"Unless you're a
Warren Buffett or Bill Gates, you're one illness away from financial
ruin in this country," says lead author Steffie Woolhandler, M.D., of
the Harvard Medical School, in Cambridge, Mass. "If an illness is long
enough and expensive enough, private insurance offers very little
protection against medical bankruptcy, and that's the major finding in
our study."

They concluded that 62.1 percent of the bankruptcies were medically
related because the individuals either had more than $5,000 (or 10
percent of their pretax income) in medical bills, mortgaged their home
to pay for medical bills, or lost significant income due to an illness.
On average, medically bankrupt families had $17,943 in out-of-pocket
expenses, including $26,971 for those who lacked insurance and $17,749
who had insurance at some point.

Overall, three-quarters of the people with a medically-related bankruptcy had health insurance, they say.

"That was actually the predominant problem in patients in our study --
78 percent of them had health insurance, but many of them were
bankrupted anyway because there were gaps in their coverage like
co-payments and deductibles and uncovered services," says Woolhandler.
"Other people had private insurance but got so sick that they lost
their job and lost their insurance."

Edition: CNN.com

Chris Runaround, Spokesman for the House Republicans for a Healthy America, said, "The evidence could not be more clear.  There are millions of deadbeats out there forcing themselves to live at the expense of the economy as a whole.  If they would just do the moral thing, live within their means, and die from lack of healthcare, big business and the banks could have just come in and taken everything from the deceased estates.  Instead, they selfishly demand the healthcare system keep them alive no matter what.  Do you think they care one bit about the profits of these multinational corporations?  NO!  They are too wrapped up in themselves and 'will I see my children get married,' "what will my grandchildren grow up to be,' and, 'I don't want to die.' 

"Now, we have millions of people living because they lavishly wasted all their savings on medical expenses.  And, what do they do with this new lease on life?  They declare bankruptcy and force our political donors to wait until they can foreclose on these high livers' homes before they can see massive profits.

"Now, there is talk about nationalized healthcare.  Great!  Now, everybody will be living longer.  Just where do people think the insurance industry is going to make billions in profits if the government offers an affordable, superior healthcare alternative to the public?  It is pure idiocy."

Mr. Runaround pointed BFBE to "Nobody Lives Forever," a Republican funded outreach program offering support and guidance to cash strapped individuals and families in need of healthcare.  Some of their money saving recommendations include; "Saving up anti-depressants for the weekend," "Only take heart, blood pressure, an cholesterol medications when you feel you heart hurt," and "Swapping and trading medications among friends to make ends meet."

NIAGARA COURTS RULING: Taser use to obtain DNA not unconstitutional

Police taser student who neglected to raise hand during "You Looking at Me Day?" at local high school.

Niagara Gazette.

A decision by Falls Police to use a Taser to obtain a DNA sample from a suspect in an armed robbery, shooting and kidnapping is not unconstitutional.

Niagara County Court Judge Sara Sheldon Sperrazza reached that conclusion in a 16 page decision handed down Wednesday that refused to dismiss an indictment against Ryan Smith and denied his request to have DNA evidence that links him to two separate criminal cases thrown out.

The ruling left Smith’s attorney, Patrick Balkin, stunned and requesting additional time to prepare for a trial that had been scheduled to begin later this month.

(BFBE): New York law enforcement officials told BFBE by phone earlier today this ruling "opens up a whole new paradigm for law enforcement in New York."

The official, who asked not to be identified in fear "[He] would ruin the surprise," stated, "Police Departments across New York and the entire country have been waiting for the 'go ahead' from the Courts to take the kid gloves off. It's nice to know we do not have to dance around a bunch of legal mumbo jumbo like 'Probably Cause,' and 'Appropriate Use of Force' nonsense before we bust a few heads."

The official concluded by outlining several new programs law enforcement will roll out in light of the new ruling. Some of these include; "The Go Ahead and Bust the Door Down, They're Probably Doing Something Illegal" Community Outreach Program, the "Wire Tap, Wire Shmap" Domestic Surveillance Initiative, and the "Don't Make Me Kick You in the Ding Ding" Police fundraising drive.