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Bernanke Clarifies His Position. "I was not in denial, I was LYING."

Washington, DC (BFBE):  Chairman of the Federal Reserve Board, Ben Bernanke, spoke briefly with BFBE this morning by phone to clarify his positions on the economy before the Financial Crisis hit in August, 2008.

According to Bernanke, "I was not in denial about the state of the economy, I was lying.  Why are you acting shocked?   Any idiot could have seen that and now people are trying to blame me.  It's not my responsibility to give the public accurate information on the state of the economy and their fiancial activities.  Pick up a book!  Do it yourself!  Take some responsibility!

"All I can tell you is almost all of my friends have come through this time of uncertainly pretty darn well, thank you very much.  Did they listen to me?  No way!  They saw the economy was going to hell in a hand basket and prepared for it.  Now, with the help of your tax dollars, they're making a tidy profit scooping up the assets of all you mouth breathers out there.  I don't hear them complaining about me lying."

When asked if Mr. Bernanke's history of misleading statements in regards to the economy should make consumers wary of his current predictions of the financial crisis ending later this year, he replied, "Oh, of course not!  Everything is good, good, good.  Never better.  In fact, this is the time to spend.  Get out there.  Stimulate the economy.  Run up those credit cards.  Just remember, the fundamentals of the economy remain sound.  So, I cannot think of a better time to overextend yourself."

Breaking!!!! You Can't Make This Stuff Up Dept.

Developing... Sources close to the President informed BFBE they are assuring supporters that this rumor is groundless, and even if it is not, President Obama would have been the pitcher, and not the catcher.

The Globe.

Malawian Judge Affirms Rights of Rich To Do Anything.

Lilongwe, Malawi (BFBE). International pop music legend, Madonna's bid to adopt an orphan child from the desperately poor African nation of Malawi was approved this week by Malawi's Supreme Court of Appeal.

Madonna's adoption bid was stymied in March by a lower court's ruling that barred the adoption based on it violated the Malawian law requiring 18 months residency in the nation before adopting children. According to one of the three judges making the decision, the law barring the adoption was out of date.

D'Aood Mitambe, a high ranking legal adviser to the Appeals Court, told BFBE, "Despite the fact Malawi is a very poor nation, it has a sophisticated legal system based on English Common Law just like those in the United Kingdom, the U.S, Australia, and Canada. And, just as in those powerful nations, we, too, have a separate standard of justice for the wealthy over the common people. Unfortunately, it has been so long since anyone wealthy has lived in Malawi who was not a politician, in charge of the military, or a heavily armed militant faction, ergo, above the Courts, the lower Court simply forgot about this time honored double standard."

Mitambe stated that despite this legal precedent, the Court still took a thorough look at Madonna's case, "Since she already basically stole a Malawian boy a few years ago even after it was discovered he was not actually an orphan, and the fact that she did not eat the kid or anything, the Court just figured 'what the hell, she's rich.'"

Supporters bristled at accusations of Madonna's wealth and notoriety influencing the Court's decision. Marty Shlopp, owner of "VogueDonna," a popular Madonna fan blog, said, "Anyone who knows Madonna knows she has nothing but the purest motives in adopting a child from this impoverished nation. She is simply living out her religious faith, and we should all support her in this."

When asked how Madonna's faith played a role in these proceedings, Shlopp added, "Madonna is a dedicated Kabbalist, and there is no doubt that she is not aware of the story of Lilith. Madonna's actions speak louder than her words, and, she is quite evidently, simply trying to model her life on the example of Lilith. I can think of nothing more noble and applaud."

BFBE Note: Lilith is the fabled first wife of Adam, who according to legend, was cursed by God and sentenced to walk the Earth forever as an aged crone. In ancient times, Lilith was feared as a night spirit who would sneak into homes stealing children and young men's semen.


Full Story.

BFBE Remembers 20 Years of Eroding Civil Rights.

BFBE:

Tienanmen Square (1989)

Is this when our greed for Chinese investment overshadowed our dedication to freedom and civil rights, or just when our government stopped caring about them?


Ruby Ridge (1992)



Waco, Texas (1993)



Seattle (1999)

Elian Gonzalez (2000)


New Orleans (2005)


St. Louis (2007)


Republican National Convention (2008)




Democratic National Convention (2008)


I guess our government forgot...

Republicans Blame "Reckless Living" for 60% of Bankruptcies.

Washington, DC (BFBE):  Congressional Republicans pointed to a Harvard study on 2007 bankruptcy statistics as an example of how "reckless living" caused 60% of all bankruptcies.

According to the study:

Bankruptcies due to medical bills increased by nearly 50 percent in
a six-year period, from 46 percent in 2001 to 62 percent in 2007, and
most of those who filed for bankruptcy were middle-class, well-educated
homeowners, according to a report that will be published in the August
issue of The American Journal of Medicine.

"Unless you're a
Warren Buffett or Bill Gates, you're one illness away from financial
ruin in this country," says lead author Steffie Woolhandler, M.D., of
the Harvard Medical School, in Cambridge, Mass. "If an illness is long
enough and expensive enough, private insurance offers very little
protection against medical bankruptcy, and that's the major finding in
our study."

They concluded that 62.1 percent of the bankruptcies were medically
related because the individuals either had more than $5,000 (or 10
percent of their pretax income) in medical bills, mortgaged their home
to pay for medical bills, or lost significant income due to an illness.
On average, medically bankrupt families had $17,943 in out-of-pocket
expenses, including $26,971 for those who lacked insurance and $17,749
who had insurance at some point.

Overall, three-quarters of the people with a medically-related bankruptcy had health insurance, they say.

"That was actually the predominant problem in patients in our study --
78 percent of them had health insurance, but many of them were
bankrupted anyway because there were gaps in their coverage like
co-payments and deductibles and uncovered services," says Woolhandler.
"Other people had private insurance but got so sick that they lost
their job and lost their insurance."

Edition: CNN.com

Chris Runaround, Spokesman for the House Republicans for a Healthy America, said, "The evidence could not be more clear.  There are millions of deadbeats out there forcing themselves to live at the expense of the economy as a whole.  If they would just do the moral thing, live within their means, and die from lack of healthcare, big business and the banks could have just come in and taken everything from the deceased estates.  Instead, they selfishly demand the healthcare system keep them alive no matter what.  Do you think they care one bit about the profits of these multinational corporations?  NO!  They are too wrapped up in themselves and 'will I see my children get married,' "what will my grandchildren grow up to be,' and, 'I don't want to die.' 

"Now, we have millions of people living because they lavishly wasted all their savings on medical expenses.  And, what do they do with this new lease on life?  They declare bankruptcy and force our political donors to wait until they can foreclose on these high livers' homes before they can see massive profits.

"Now, there is talk about nationalized healthcare.  Great!  Now, everybody will be living longer.  Just where do people think the insurance industry is going to make billions in profits if the government offers an affordable, superior healthcare alternative to the public?  It is pure idiocy."

Mr. Runaround pointed BFBE to "Nobody Lives Forever," a Republican funded outreach program offering support and guidance to cash strapped individuals and families in need of healthcare.  Some of their money saving recommendations include; "Saving up anti-depressants for the weekend," "Only take heart, blood pressure, an cholesterol medications when you feel you heart hurt," and "Swapping and trading medications among friends to make ends meet."

NIAGARA COURTS RULING: Taser use to obtain DNA not unconstitutional

Police taser student who neglected to raise hand during "You Looking at Me Day?" at local high school.

Niagara Gazette.

A decision by Falls Police to use a Taser to obtain a DNA sample from a suspect in an armed robbery, shooting and kidnapping is not unconstitutional.

Niagara County Court Judge Sara Sheldon Sperrazza reached that conclusion in a 16 page decision handed down Wednesday that refused to dismiss an indictment against Ryan Smith and denied his request to have DNA evidence that links him to two separate criminal cases thrown out.

The ruling left Smith’s attorney, Patrick Balkin, stunned and requesting additional time to prepare for a trial that had been scheduled to begin later this month.

(BFBE): New York law enforcement officials told BFBE by phone earlier today this ruling "opens up a whole new paradigm for law enforcement in New York."

The official, who asked not to be identified in fear "[He] would ruin the surprise," stated, "Police Departments across New York and the entire country have been waiting for the 'go ahead' from the Courts to take the kid gloves off. It's nice to know we do not have to dance around a bunch of legal mumbo jumbo like 'Probably Cause,' and 'Appropriate Use of Force' nonsense before we bust a few heads."

The official concluded by outlining several new programs law enforcement will roll out in light of the new ruling. Some of these include; "The Go Ahead and Bust the Door Down, They're Probably Doing Something Illegal" Community Outreach Program, the "Wire Tap, Wire Shmap" Domestic Surveillance Initiative, and the "Don't Make Me Kick You in the Ding Ding" Police fundraising drive.

New York Man Guilty of Dying Without License.

New York City, NY (BFBE): A New York man was held without bail today on charges of dying without a license.

Arresting office, and legendary Parking Meter Compliance Enforcement Specialist Miami Fickle, told the Court in sworn testimony, "I knew two and a half weeks ago the guy was going to be trouble. He was parked under a bridge, and when I went to ticket his car for illegal parking, he just sat there in the driver's seat, holding his chest and going, 'Help me, help me.' Well, nobody gets our of a ticket from me! The City depends on my issuing of citations for its very existence. So, I issued the ticket and moved on.

"The next day, the car and suspect where still there. This time, he was not only illegally parked, but obviously deceased. I politely asked to see the gentleman's Death Permit, and he just ignored me! He just sat there staring into space with this glazed look on his face. I could have arrested him right there for obstruction of justice, but I decided to cut him a break and just give him a ticket. Every day for over two weeks I ticketed the suspect and his car. Finally, it was obvious that he was incorrigible, and I have no other course of action other than arresting the subject."

New York Mayor, Michael Bloomberg applauded Office Fickles' actions, "The people of New York need to understand that every one of our permits, fees, and licenses are there for a reason. Ignoring them only leads to the loose of the quality of life New Yorkers have come to enjoy. Today, people are not paying for the death permit, tommarow, they will not pay the Walking on a Public Street Fee, and the Consuming Public Oxogen Tax. It's high time we start cracking down on these scoff laws."

Related Story:

NY Car Ticketed Repeatedly With Dead Body Inside.

Congress Commemorates Four Days of Pelosi Not Saying Anything Stupid.

Washington, DC (BFBE): Congressional Democrats held a discrete ceremony this morning to commemorate four days of House Speaker, Nancy Pelosi, not saying anything stupid.

"She's been on a record breaking run here," stated Nate Buyme, a top Democratic leader. "After the 'CIA is lying to me', and the 'we're going to inventory your life' statements, those of us on the Hill have really learned the meaning of 'silence is golden."

Other House leaders credited Pelosi's new record with her, "Admirable determination not to answer any questions from the press on vital issues, not matter how pertinent."

Obama Offers Idaho as Collateral on US Debt to China.

Cairo, Egypt. (BFBE): US President Barak Obama took a brief respite from his whirlwind tour of the Mid-East and Europe today to assure Chinese President Hu Jintao of America's commitment to honor its foreign debt commitments.

As a gesture of goodwill, Obama offered the state of Idaho to the Chinese government in the form of collateral to secure the billion in United States Treasury Bonds owned by the Chinese. "We don't pay up, it's all yours," confided Obama to the Chinese President.

White House insiders told BFBE, "[The Administration] does not think anyone will really miss Idaho if the unthinkable actually happens. " The official further noted that only 25% of American high school seniors even know Idaho exists, let alone it is a part of the United States." And, "Most of them live in Idaho."

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi applauded the move, noting, "Idaho residents have consistently voted against change for decades. This can only mean they are stupid, racist, rednecks. Getting rid of a 'red' state will only ensure the will of the people is secured for generations to come. Plus, I can use their Congressional office space for my new portrait gallery of myself."

Chinese Ambassador Kim Wu Fong said, "The Chinese government never really expects to collect this collateral. However, if the eventuality should occur, the residents of Idaho might be pleasantly surprised when they discover China now affords its citizens more civil rights and personal freedoms than the United States these days."

"The Idaho Transfer," as it has been dubbed by Administration officials, is just the first stage of fund raising initiatives planned by the White House to supplement sagging US tax revenues. Other plans on the table include the leasing of Alabama to Eat 'em Up Sugar Cane Company, Inc, provided the state "offers adequate numbers to young, healthy adults with good teeth as to provide adequate breeding stock." And, the sale of "10,000 mixed American Jews to a Saudi Prince for target practice."

Today we’re all prisoners in the USA

As of today, June 1, 2009, even U.S. citizens are officially
prisoners in the USA, or exiles barred from entering our own country
without the government’s permission.

	Department of State’s U.S. Passport Card.

We are now forbidden by Federal regulations from leaving or entering

the USA, anywhere, by any means — by air, by sea, or by land, to or
from any other country or international waters or airspace — unless the
government chooses to issue us a passport, passport card, or “enhanced” drivers license (any of which “travel documents” are now issued only with secretly and remotely-readable uniquely-numbered
radio tracking beacons in the form of RFID transponder chips), or
unless the Department of Homeland Security chooses to to exercise its
standardless “discretion” to decide — in secret, with no way for us to
know who is making the decision or on what basis — to issue a (one-time
case-by-case) “waiver” of the new travel document requirements.

If you’re in the USA without such documents — even if you were born here, or are a foreigner who entered the USA legally without such documents (a Canadian, for example, who entered the USA by landyesterday when no such documents were yet required), or your document(s) have expired or have been lost or stolen — you are forbidden to leave the country unless and until you procure such adocument, or unless and until the DHS gives you an exit permit in the form of a discretionary one-time waiver to leave the country — but not necessarily to come home, unless they again exercise their discretion to “grant” you another waiver.

If you are a U.S. citizen abroad without such a document (for
example, if you entered Canada legally without it yesterday by land,
when it wasn’t required, or again if your document(s) are expired,
lost, or stolen) you are forbidden to come home unless and until you
can procure a new document acceptable to the DHS, or unless and until
the DHS gives you permission to come home in the form of a
discretionary one-time waiver.

The DHS admits, at the top of its GetYouHome.gov propapganda website, that it might take “several weeks” to obtain such a document if you don’t have one already or if it expires or is lost or stolen. A temporary paper drivers license without a photo, or even a standard photo license or state ID, won’t suffice — only an extra-fee EDL with an RFID chip, which also takes several weeks to obtain in those few states that issue them at all. Backlogs for even “rush” passport issuance can be even longer, as we pointed out in our comments to the DHS. It doesn’t matter if your next-of-kin is dying in Canada or Mexico. (Suppose a relative gets sick or injured, and needs you there to make medical decisons or escort them home, but you weren’t going on the trip with them, and don’t have a passport.) You can’t go unless the U.S. government approves your papers or approves a standardless discretionary “waiver” for you to leave the U.S. — which won’t guarantee that they’ll let you come back.

This is the final stage, effective June 1, 2009, of implementation
of the so-called “Western Hemisphere Travel Initiative” (WHTI).

Complete Article: Infowars.com

More Information: Papers, Please! The Identity Project.

MPAA Fights Back Against On-Line Piracy with Summer of Crappy Movies.

Hollywood, CA (BFBE): Befuddled by the ever increasing numbers of file sharers
on the Internet downloading the latest movie industry releases,
Hollywood insiders have announced a new tactic to fight this trend.


According to Mel Hexenbacker of the MPAA, "The answer is REMAKES. Let
me say it again; remakes, remakes, remakes. We have learned that we
can take a timeless classic, and really screw it up. Take everything
out of it that made it good and replace it with an infernal morass of
computer generated graphics, lifeless one dimensional characters, bad
acting, and uninspired writing.


"We've been doing this for a few years now, just look at how we ruined
"The Day the Earth Stood Still" for all future generations. That flick
was so bad, not only will nobody in their right mind download it,
people will stop downloading the original classic because it might
cause a flashback of Keanu Reeves turning this classic into a lifeless
"Matrix 7." However, after buggering "The Hills Have Eyes," we began
to realize that we were running out of good movies to ruin, so now for
2009, we are going to start RE-ruining movies that were not good in the
first place.

"Just look at what we have in store for the Summer, remakes of "The
Black Lagoon," "Frankenweenie," "Piranha," and "Red Sonja." Ha! Ha!
Ha! Once this crap gets out there The Pirate Bay and Mininova will be
toast! Waaa!!! Ha!!! Ha!!!"

White House Praises Misleading Economic Statistics.

Washington, DC (BFBE): White House officials praised the efforts of the news media today in their systematic attempts to portray the current state of the economy in a positive light.

"Despite all evidence to the contrary," Mindy Popinjay, Special Economic Adviser to the Obama White House, confided to BFBE, "the media is pulling off the impossible; making people think the economy is doing anything but imploding."

Popinjay praises the media's use of misleading statistics, "The media is really doing yeoman's service for us on this one. Just look at the array of complete statistical contradictions and fallacies they managed to pull off.

"Last month, gas prices went up 40 cents a gallon in many places around the country. Just what the American people need when so many people are out of work and times are tough. If Bush was in office, everyone would be mad and the media would be doing in depth reports on bread lines and soup kitchens in Trenton. But, not now! No, they took the brave step of ignoring the rise and showing a statistic that gas prices are LOWER right now than they were last year at this time. KA-KLAM! Now, the public thinks a 20% rise in gas prices during a time of high unemployment is a good thing!

"Now, let's take a look at another terrible statistic. Last week, the number of new unemployment claims was something like 613,000. It was probably WAY higher than that, but we'll just wait a few weeks to 'adjust' it after everyone's forgot about it. Now, if the media would use the gas logic to this statistic, that is comparing it to last year, people might notice that this number has doubled and there are millions upon millions of newly unemployed workers out there is little or no prospect of finding work. So, instead, they choose to look at how last week's numbers are about 10,000 lower than the week before. Granted, that still means 1.2 million people lost their jobs in two weeks, but SHA-WING! It's still lower, and that's all the media is talking about."

Popinjay closed with praising the news media's objectivity, "You really have to hand it to our news corps. No matter what the truth is, all they are saying is 'better, better, better.' You can not be more objective than that. My guess is you will not need to be a mind reader as to who is going to be at the top of the list for billions of dollars in tax payer dollars when the next 'great for the economy' bailout happens."

Mass Urination at White House Press Briefing.

Washington, DC (BFBE): A surprise visit by President Obama at this morning's White House Press Briefing led to the largest incident of mass urination in Washington since the United States Congress passed the Troubled Assets Relief Program (TARP) in September.

President Obama's brief wave into the White House Press Room, sent the White House Press Corps into a spastic display of glee that left no pantsuit unsoiled.

"He looked at me! He really looked at me!" Gushed one reporter from a major American news network. "I'm the most objective of all! I'm the most objective of all! That's why he waved at me!"

"I love you, Barak!" Shouted another female reported from a major metropolitan newspaper. This reporter continued to jump up and down with her breasts exposed long after the President left the room. Later, this same reporter expressed confidence the White House Press Office would mail her beads through the mail.

Developing...

White House Unveils New GM Concept Cars.

Washington, DC (BFBE): The White House was swift today in dismissing claims its lack of experience in the automotive industry would adversely impact its control of General Motors.

Many economists, inside and outside the industry, expressed concerns the appointment of a 31 year old in his first government job and no experience in either industrial manufacturing, or business, would hinder General Motors efforts to emerge from bankruptcy.

"Nothing could be further from the truth," a White House spokesperson said early today at an informal briefing. "In fact, the Administration feels strongly that this lack of experience will bring new, exciting ideas to GM, and lay the groundwork for America leading the world in 21st Century auto manufacturing and sales."

Demonstrating this "new thinking," the White House released a series of drawings and photos of advanced prototype Administration designed GM vehicles of the future. The spokesperson added, "I dare anyone to look at these concepts and not get excited about GM and the future of the American automobile industry."




An early concept drawing. The thing on the right has wheels, which Administration officials were assured were instrumental to a car. The birthday cake and box are metaphors for this new advanced vehicles' design was a gift to both the American people and the world.




Advanced interior design and materials will be a hallmark of all Administration designed vehicles.




This environmentally friendly advanced prototype will "run on pee" once they develop and engine powerful enough to make it move.




Futuristic design of a vehicle which will double as living quarters for displaced citizens. Notice, the person is very happy.



"The sky's the limit!" Concluded the White House Spokesperson. "While many things at GM will change, some will always remain the same."

Conservative Talk Radio: Coporations Selling Employees' Internal Ogans "God's Will."

BFBE EXCLUSIVE!

Conservative talk radio hosts around the country supported the controversial practice uncovered last week by BFBE of major multinational corporations requiring employees to sell their internal organs on the international black market in an effort to support sagging profits as, "The Free enterprise system at it best," and "God's Will."

The controversy came to light with the release of this transcript from a recent Corporate Employee Training Retreat in New Jersey:

CEO: "Well, folks, profits are down and things are getting rough. 2nd quarter doesn't look any better than the 1st."

Employees: "Awwww....."

CEO:
"Fortunately, I have personally pioneered a plan that will improve our
margins, provide the company a vehicle of ongoing business success and
further develop and enhance the paradigm of our business plan. As
founder of the plan, the fiduciary benefits of the model will be born
largely by myself, however, each and every one of you will benefit as
well in some way that I cannot quite articulate at the moment, however,
is nonetheless very real and groundbreaking."

Employees: "???"

CEO:
"In keeping with our core values, competencies, and Mission Statement,
we have decided that since God gave everyone two kidneys, he must have
wanted everyone to sell one of them. Since most of you have ignored
the Almighty's will in this matter, the Corporate Governance Committee
has decided to facilitate your inclusiveness and sensitivity
development by requiring every employee to sell one of their kidneys on
the 3rd World black market with the proceeds benefiting the Corporate
general fund. You will be happy to know that your company sponsored
health plan will cover a full 20% of the costs of this procedure after
deductibles and copays, and will offer every associate three unpaid
days of leave for recovery. Please visit one of the gentlemen with the
hacksaws at the back of the auditorium on your way back to work to have
your extra, rather useless kidney removed, and receive your free 'I
love my job' lapel pin."

Harry Bibliosmaker, host of "Better than Rush," a syndicated talkshow out of Milwaukee, said, "I could not agree more with the CEO. Too many people are running around crying about losing their jobs, homes and futures. If they want to keep their jobs, they are going to have to do more than just showing up and working hard, long, hours every day. They need to get some skin in the game. Or, in this case, internal organ tissues."

Chris Alliswell, the host of "Much Better than Rush," out of Cleveland said, "This is the same Socialist propaganda that was spread last year when people got all worked up about about CEO's videotaping their employees in the bathrooms getting electricuted through the toilet seats. Sure, there is a lot of legal mumbo jumbo out there about this being an invasion of privacy, or even illegal assult. Sure, the cameras were hidden and the electric shocks caused burns, but if the employees knew it was coming, or the shock of less intensity, it would not have been nearly as funny. What? In the New America, CEO's don't have the right to be amused anymore?"

Quinton Suffraget, host of "Much, Much, MUCH Better than Rush," said, "It's very clear that God wanted all his chidlren to give selflessly of themselves, without any regard to return or reward to help others. I am pressed very hard to think of a better way of fulfilling this duty than shortening your lifespan to advance the short term goals of a multi-billion dollar corporation that could not care whether you live or die."

And, Bill Manatarms, host of "Better than Rush, All Those Guys, and Hannity COMBINED," said, "What nobody is looking at is the fact that in Canada or England, you just couldn't walk to the back an auditorium and have your organs removed. NO! You would have to wait for weeks, maybe months until the Socialist Health System could 'fit you in.' By that time, your corportation's profits might have dropped a hundreth, even a tenth of percent, costing your CEO millions in bonuses.

"American need to realize that we are at a crossroads. Obama is trying to take away every American's fundamental rights under the Consitution and leave us all faceless slaves of an unnamed elite. We need to understand that big business can do all of this and more, too. Just much more cheaply and efficiently."

It Didn't Start with Obama.

Government's Current Role in Business the 'Route' to Fascism
Hoover Institute economist tells Fox News Channel's Glenn Beck U.S. is 'partially' capitalist; not socialist, but fascist.

The media have lamented use of the word fascism when it has been used to describe moves by the Bush and Obama administrations and the private sector economy.

But when examined from a purely political and economic point-of-view, that is what’s going on now according to Thomas Sowell, Stanford University’s Hoover Institute Senior Fellow and author of “The Housing Boom and Bust.” Sowell appeared on Glenn Beck’s May 27 program and Beck asked him if the United States was still a capitalist country.

“Oh, heavens, partially,” Sowell replied. “We’re not a socialist country, because the socialists believe in government ownership of the means of production. But, the fascists believe that the government should have private ownership and the politicians should tell people how to run the businesses. So that’s the route we seem to be going.”

A textbook definition explains that fascism embodied corporatism, which is an economic structure controlled by the government. Sowell said that’s exactly what is happening in some sectors of the U.S. economy...

Sowell argued it would take a “calamity” for people to realize that fascism is taking place – the issue being just how big it would be before the public could connect the dots.

“Well to do that, they would have to think,” Sowell explained. “And this whole personality cult has caught on in such a way that it is going to be a while before people start thinking. It is a question of how big of a calamity is it gonna take before they snap out of it.”

The Stanford University economist chastised President Barack Obama’s administration for leading the United States down this path economically and noted it would have an impact on the country’s foreign policy.

“Gosh, I hate to make predictions but I think the economy is, is gonna be permanently changed for the worse,” Sowell said. “I think our foreign policy is gonna lead to changes that will be definitely for the worse, particularly if we drift into a nuclear Iran, which I gather that’s what the administration is doing.”

http://www.businessandmedia.org/articles/2009/20090528104228.aspx

I Guess the Russians Would Know...

American capitalism gone with a whimper.

It must be said, that like the breaking of a great dam, the American
decent into Marxism is happening with breath taking speed, against the
back drop of a passive, hapless sheeple, excuse me dear reader, I meant
people.

True, the situation has been well prepared on and off for the past
century, especially the past twenty years. The initial testing grounds
was conducted upon our Holy Russia and a bloody test it was. But we
Russians would not just roll over and give up our freedoms and our
souls, no matter how much money Wall Street poured into the fists of
the Marxists.

Those lessons were taken and used to properly prepare the American
populace for the surrender of their freedoms and souls, to the whims of
their elites and betters.

First, the population was dumbed down through a politicized and
substandard education system based on pop culture, rather then the
classics. Americans know more about their favorite TV dramas then the
drama in DC that directly affects their lives. They care more for their
"right" to choke down a McDonalds burger or a BurgerKing burger than
for their constitutional rights. Then they turn around and lecture us
about our rights and about our "democracy". Pride blind the foolish.

Then their faith in God was destroyed, until their churches, all tens
of thousands of different "branches and denominations" were for the
most part little more then Sunday circuses and their televangelists and
top protestant mega preachers were more then happy to sell out their
souls and flocks to be on the "winning" side of one pseudo Marxist
politician or another. Their flocks may complain, but when explained
that they would be on the "winning" side, their flocks were ever so
quick to reject Christ in hopes for earthly power. Even our Holy
Orthodox churches are scandalously liberalized in America.

The final collapse has come with the election of Barack Obama. His
speed in the past three months has been truly impressive. His spending
and money printing has been a record setting, not just in America's
short history but in the world. If this keeps up for more then another
year, and there is no sign that it will not, America at best will
resemble the Wiemar Republic and at worst Zimbabwe.

These past two weeks have been the most breath taking of all. First
came the announcement of a planned redesign of the American Byzantine
tax system, by the very thieves who used it to bankroll their thefts,
loses and swindles of hundreds of billions of dollars. These make our
Russian oligarchs look little more then ordinary street thugs, in
comparison. Yes, the Americans have beat our own thieves in the shear
volumes. Should we congratulate them?

http://english.pravda.ru/opinion/columnists/107459-0/

Ambulance Gets Between Cops and Donuts.

Oklahoma Highway Patrol fight with EMT.


Link. Infowars.com.

Billionaires Coordinate Who to Screw Over Next.

And, the winner is: Poor Brown People!!!!!

Billionaire club in bid to curb overpopulation

America's richest people meet to discuss ways of tackling a 'disastrous' environmental, social and industrial threat

SOME of America’s leading billionaires have met secretly to consider how their wealth and power could be used to slow the growth of the world’s population and speed up improvements in health and education.

The philanthropists who attended a summit convened on the initiative of Bill
Gates, the Microsoft co-founder, discussed joining forces to overcome
political and religious obstacles to change.

Another guest said there was “nothing as crude as a vote” but a consensus
emerged that they would back a strategy in which population growth would be
tackled as a potentially disastrous environmental, social and industrial
threat.

“This is something so nightmarish that everyone in this group agreed it needs
big-brain answers,” said the guest. “They need to be independent of
government agencies, which are unable to head off the disaster we all see
looming.”

Why all the secrecy? “They wanted to speak rich to rich without worrying
anything they said would end up in the newspapers, painting them as an
alternative world government,” he said.

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/us_and_americas/article6350303.ece


BFBE has learned that global overpopulation narrowly beat out "Burning Children to Stone Effigies of the Billionaires", and "Taking All Virgins to Their Beds" as the just cause most deserving of their philanthropy.

Another guest of the meeting told BFBE, "It all went pretty smoothly. Our main goal was to just make sure we were in control of as many people's lives as possible. You know, dictating everything for our own betterment at the expense of theirs... You know, same ol', same ol'. But that not taking a "crude vote" thing really seemed to catch our attention. We're informally looking at rolling the idea out to the entire United States and Europe for the next election cycle."

When questioned as to the groups concerns that many would view their meeting as a kind of World Government, this insider said, "That's just ridiculous. Our meeting has nothing whatsoever to do with World Government or fascist like domination of every man, woman, and child on the planet... Not a thingy-dingy." He then winked at this reporter, made an "OK" sign with his fingers and surried away.

Bush Shows Off Terrorist Testicle Collection.

Berlin, Germany. (BFBE): In a light hearted moment, Former President Bush demonstrates how Guantanamo Bay terrorists were encouraged to divulge information on upcoming terrorist attacks. According to Bush, "You just cut their balls off with a pair of tin snips, and eat one right in front of them... Next thing you know, they're chirpin' like birds."

Bush denied that such tactics were torture, claiming, instead, "I think most of them liked it. Lots of them is fags down there, anyway, and they get into that type of sh*t."

The former President's collection was a gift from "The Boys at the Guard House."

DHS Head Declares Anyone Who Does Not Like Her New Haircut a Terrorist.

Washington, DC. (BFBE): Secretary of the Department of Homeland Security, Janet Napolitano authorized the release of a new Security Assessment to all local, state, and federal police departments this morning warning that anyone who does not like Napolitano's new haircut should be considered a "potential terrorist."

The Assessment was spawned yesterday, after Napalitano returned from the long holiday weekend with a new hairstyle created by the world renowned hair stylus, Steaphona. "She was really excited about the new cut," confided an unnamed personal administrative assistant from the Department. "She bought a very nice new business suit, and obviously worked on getting a little bit of tan on her face over the weekend. So, really, she did not look that bad. But then she started walking around the break room asking how everyone liked her new hair style. We all said it looked nice to be polite... But DAMN! Doesn't the bitch own a mirror? I mean the back was layered wonderfully, but the top and sides where cut too short and it makes her face look fat and boxy."

Another DHS official from the break room stated, "[He] was going to say it would look good once it grew in a bit," but kept silent because, "she's the boss."

This same informant speculates that Napolitano overheard several "you can't polish a turd" comments from the break room after everyone in the room thought she returned to her office. "Right after we were laughing about it for a while, an urgent message came over our Blackberries calling for a high security meeting in Nancy's office... The rest is history."

This morning, officials from the FBI are "still trying to figure this one out," and Napolitano is reported to be at work wearing a baseball cap and ear muffs while patrolling the halls of DHS with a shot gun threating her staff "to give her an excuse to pull a Cheney on their asses."

From the "You Can't Make This Stuff Up" Department.

Burping of the lambs blows roast off menu.

GIVE up lamb roasts and save the planet. Government advisers are developing
menus to combat climate change by cutting out “high carbon” food such as
meat from sheep, whose burping poses a serious threat to the environment...

Out will go kebabs, greenhouse tomatoes and alcohol. Instead, diners will be
encouraged to consume more potatoes and seasonal vegetables, as well as pork
and chicken, which generate fewer carbon emissions...

The problem is because sheep burp so much methane, a potent greenhouse gas.
Cows are only slightly better behaved...

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/environment/article6350237.ece

WTF?!?!?!?

EVERYTHING Declared Illegal.

From the BFBE Newsdesk:

BREAKING NEWS!!!!

Sources who do not wish to be identified from the Department of Homeland Security confirmed to BFBE earlier today that EVERYTHING was officially declared illegal today in an early morning session of Congress.

"The government needs money... period," this unnamed source confided. "Since only a poorly educated, narcissistic, and easily distracted person would not realize the only way we are ever going to pay the interest on the government debt we've accumulated over the last year is to tax all income from ever man, woman, and child in the United States for the next three generations, Congress decided to take the bold move of pretending this massive problem does not exist.

"They figured once the new network television season starts, most Americans would forget they ever had civil rights in the first place. However, they would notice that they are not getting paychecks. So, really it's just a matter of Congress tailoring legislation to match the priorities of the American people.

"There are already so many nebulous and conflicting laws on the books now, that police and government can pretty much arrest or fine anyone for everything they want already, so they figured that it would be far easier just to eliminate the the small number of rights Americans have left than trying to surf the morass of idiocy that constitutes modern American law.

"Now, police will have the simplified job of just issuing citations, fines, and making arrests for whatever they want. Carrying a cat in public: $50 fine. Cutting your grass: $100 fine for adding greenhouse gas to the atmosphere. Not cutting your grass: $100 fine for creating an eyesore. The list can go on and on.

"Soon, all the government's budgetary shortfalls will be behind us as billions in fines are raked in and anyone who disagrees with this policy will be in jail. It's a win win for everyone."

The informant concluded that there were no plans to make a formal announcement of this change in policy, rather "we were just going to let people figure it out for themselves," and that the only reason he decided to come forward with this information was because he enjoyed looking at the shocked expression in this reporter's face.

California Supreme Court Celebrates Being in Charge.

Sacramento, CA. (BFBE): California Supreme Court Justices celebrated the fact that they are still in charge of everyone's lives today with their controversial ruling on the Constitutionality of Proposition 8.

The ruling stated in part:

[The Court] upheld same sex marriages that were already performed but upheld voters' rights to ban gay marriage through the
state constitution.

An estimated 18,000 gay couples tied the knot before the law took effect. The ruling suggests that
gay couples can be afforded equivalent rights to heterosexual married couples but perhaps under a different name.Gay
rights demonstrators flooded the courthouse before the decision and immediately started protesting the ruling. Supporters
of gay marriage had argued that the Legislature should have approved the change to the California constitution because of
the vote's impact on the equal protection clause.

Spokesperson for the Court, Jen Hacksalot, said shortly after the release of the ruling, "The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here today, but it will never forget what we have done.

"Today, the Court has affirmed in one voice that the public should look to us to determine their place in society and happiness in life. This extends from the boardroom to the bedroom, it is everywhere, and a sign of the progressive nature of 21st century American jurisprudence. A hundred years ago people could sleep or live with whoever they wanted and it was largely private. Personal relationships were evaluated by how long people knew each other and their general character rather than a random and arbitrary system of government and legal regulations. It's hard to remember a time when people could do whatever they wanted and have the law call it legal just because it did not hurt anybody, but it was once a reality. This ruling continues a long trend toward a better system of peace and security and freedom for everyone.

"Now, instead of people running aroung living their own lives, those decisions will be made by the experts, us."

After further questioning, Ms. Hacksalot, a member of the California Public Education Curricula Committee, stated she never heard of Abraham Lincoln before, and expressed shock that there was ever a Civil War in the United States.

Leaders Hope gay Marriage Debate will Make People Forget California is Broke.

Sacramento, CA. (BFBE): California elected officials eagerly awaited the distraction created by the California Supreme Court on Monday regarding the Constitutionality of Proposition 8, and the legality of over 18,000 same sex marriages conducted by the state in 2008.

"I don't really care what the Court says," commented State Senator Felix Hunger. "Either way, my colleagues and myself will reap hefty campaign contributions from both sides of the issue. This will really help us maintain the status quo in the State House and Senate during these troubled times.

"With everyone losing their jobs, homes, health care, and everything they spent their lives building, voters are paying way too much attention to our decades long pattern of self serving neglect of our responsibilities. Sure, the rich and powerful are still happy with us. Our systematic erosion of the rights of others has really benefited them.

"However, the regular people still have a few rights left, and just like rats running through the maze to bump their noses for a food pellet, they would probably do something destructive like not voting us back into office."

Today's Supreme Court ruling leaves Hunger cautiously optimistic, "So far, the gay marriage distraction really seems to be working well. Everyone is in a dither and not noticing that the state in imploding economically. This should really help the banks sweep in a buy up everyone's assets for pennies on the dollar. This also sets the stage for our full slate of crisis planned for this summer when the economy is REALLY going to go to hell in a hand basket."

"This gay marriage thing still has some legs, but right after that we plan to stir people up about wildlife conservation, gang violence, abortion, maybe even a little terrorism to keep things interesting, and, if things get really tough: Flag Burning. This should be enough to get us through the November elections. Once that is over, we can get back to the really important business of concentrating all wealth and power into the hands of our friends."

When questioned about the high cost of these distractions during tough economic times, Hunger replied it was a necessary evil, "We have to do what we have to do. Until everyone is using electronic voting, these elections could turn out any way the people want them. I mean, if that would happen, how could our government continue if we were held accountable for the consequences of our actions?"


http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-prop8court26-2009may26,0,4718659.story

Oil Companies Demand Stimulus Package.

Huston, TX. (BFBE): Top executives from America's major oil companies petitioned Congress today for a portion of the $700 billion TARP financial rescue package.

Spokesman for the executives, Texe Suckshard, said their motives were more based on respect than actual financial need, "I do not want cast anything negative about the banks receiving TARP funds, they worked hard to get that money. I mean you really have to screw over a lot of people at once to lose trillions of dollars. However, my colleagues and I feel that big oil is being neglected in the current Washington agenda. After all, while we are still rolling in absolutely filthy profits, they are way down from last year when we were gauging everyone and their brother at the pumps, and that's not a good thing. I actually saw a person driving a Jetta the other day... A Jetta! Next thing you know the Negros at the club will be looking me in the eye. So, you cannot sit there and say that the economic crisis has not hurt us.

"All we're looking for is maybe one or two hundred billion, just to let us know that Washington cares. After all, while our hard work cannot compare to the banks collapsing the entire world's economy, the whole thing never would have started in the first place if people were not paying $4 a gallon for gas last summer. Just think about it. If it wasn't for us, people probably could have kept on paying their bills and the banks never would have even got all this free money. All we're looking for is a little respect, after all; we've destroyed a lot of lives, too."

Pelosi Blames Water Boarding Gaffs on Small Airplane.

Washington, DC. (BFBE): In an exclusive interview this weekend with BFBE, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi blamed her recent gaffs in her recollection of when and if she was informed by the CIA of the use of water boarding techniques on prisoners at Guantanamo Navel Base on the fact that her personal jet is smaller than Air Force 1.

"Sure, I have the biggest airplane of any House Speaker in history, but it is still not as big as Obama's. Just how does anyone expect me to pay attention to what I am doing when I have 8 fewer seats than the President!

"Just look at John Murtha, that ass has a whole damn airport named after him in in Pennsylvania, and what do I have? A frigging 707. I can't even send my campaign supporters on junkets in style without them thinking I am not as important as I obviously am!

"Now, give me a 757, with a nice wet bar, and maybe a few plasma screen TV's. THEN I'll be able to bring true, justice, and liberty to the American people!"

Experts Agree! People Who Do Not Like This Blog are Jerks!

Washington, DC. (BFBE): The Congressional Blue Ribbon Commission on the coolness of blogs released its preliminary findings early today, and confirming widespread speculation, found the people who do not enjoy "The Best Fringe Blog EVER," are, indeed, jerks.

Fred Sycomore, Committee Chairman said, "The proof is undeniable. Our research has shown that those who do not like this blog, not finding it insightful and amusing, also show tendencies toward urinating on public toilet seats, driving below the speed limit in passing lanes with their left turn signals on, arguing over small price discrepancies with cashiers regardless of line length, and informing caring parents on how to raise their children irregardless of their parental status.

"While males and females seem equally convinced that they are the centers of the universe, males tend to wear sunglasses even while inside, constantly carry hair brushes in their hands, even while driving, and masturbate WAY too much. Females usually do not show these symptoms, rather showing tendencies toward not shaving their legs and arm pits, wearing tortoise shell glasses, and adhering to beliefs that there is some esoteric spiritual force in the world that will make everything wonderful if they just act self absorbed enough despite all evidence to the contrary."