Oil Companies Demand Stimulus Package.

Huston, TX. (BFBE): Top executives from America's major oil companies petitioned Congress today for a portion of the $700 billion TARP financial rescue package.

Spokesman for the executives, Texe Suckshard, said their motives were more based on respect than actual financial need, "I do not want cast anything negative about the banks receiving TARP funds, they worked hard to get that money. I mean you really have to screw over a lot of people at once to lose trillions of dollars. However, my colleagues and I feel that big oil is being neglected in the current Washington agenda. After all, while we are still rolling in absolutely filthy profits, they are way down from last year when we were gauging everyone and their brother at the pumps, and that's not a good thing. I actually saw a person driving a Jetta the other day... A Jetta! Next thing you know the Negros at the club will be looking me in the eye. So, you cannot sit there and say that the economic crisis has not hurt us.

"All we're looking for is maybe one or two hundred billion, just to let us know that Washington cares. After all, while our hard work cannot compare to the banks collapsing the entire world's economy, the whole thing never would have started in the first place if people were not paying $4 a gallon for gas last summer. Just think about it. If it wasn't for us, people probably could have kept on paying their bills and the banks never would have even got all this free money. All we're looking for is a little respect, after all; we've destroyed a lot of lives, too."